A Sydney couple have revealed how “swinging” has made their relationship stronger than ever – as long as they always do it together.
Appearing on KIIS FM’s Kyle and Jackie O Show, Jess, the owner of Annandale swingers club Our Secret Spot, and her partner Jay, said they met “the traditional way, on Tinder” two years ago, and started dating soon after.
As things developed between the new couple, they decided to “close” their relationship by not seeing other prospective partners without each other.
And to make up for the lack of sexual diversity, Jess, who is bisexual and had been in non-monogamous relationships for 10 years, suggested they try swinging.
“I am quite open to things, so when she brought it up I thought it was worth a shot,” Jay, an events planner, told hosts Kyle Sandilands and Jackie “O” Henderson.
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The first time the couple “tried it” was also his first-ever “group sex experience” – “a foursome with my best friend and her partner”, Jess recalled.
Jay said that the relationship dynamic works for him because the couple are always checking in on each other, speaking about boundaries, and connecting even when they’re being intimate with others.
“You definitely have points where you feel awkward,” he said.
“I remember once I was pulled into a position I felt really uncomfortable in – a position Jess and I do, and I just couldn’t get my head back.”
Jess added that she “looked over at him and he was like a deer in the headlights”.
“I could sense his face change and realised he was having a freak out moment,” she said.
“So I pulled him in, brought things back in so it was just us.”
While Jay admitted that he doesn’t get jealous when Jess is with other people – because he “just wants her to be happy” – the couple have strong boundaries, only swinging when together and typically with other females.
“I am more attracted to women,” Jess told Sandilands, adding when he asked whether they’d consider having a threesome with another man, “I am content with Jay as the man in my life.”
Speaking in a separate interview with the Daily Mail, the 30-year-old said while she doesn’t mind having breaks from swinging, it’s not something she could ever rule out completely.
“It has become such a beneficial change for me,” she explained.
“It also is such an adaptable lifestyle that even if we choose to take some time off to focus on ourselves or building a family we could do so and have our relationship closed until we felt the urge to come back into the lifestyle.
“Swinging has most definitely improved my relationships both with my friends and partner. It has allowed me to be honest with myself in what I require from a partner as well as what I need to be like as a person to be happy.”
Speaking to news.com.au earlier this year, Sydney-based sex coach Georgia Grace said that deciding what your ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationship will look like or how it might work is one of the biggest benefits.
“For some, it might be the fact that they get to have multiple sexual partners, and that’s really fun for them. They get to meet, and date, and flirt, and have sex with lots of people,” she said.
“For others, it may be that they have access to more love, to more commitment, to more joy that comes with a relationship. For others it may be that they’ve just never felt comfortable [in] or it just has never felt right to be in a monogamous relationship.”
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Grace explained that for couples who might want to explore an ENM relationship, it’s important to remember that it might not just be “one conversation where you say, ‘Cool, we're going to completely restructure our relationship’ or ‘I’m going to completely restructure my life.’”
“Often it’s ongoing. Many people do seek professional support to work through that. There are also a range of workbooks out there,” she said.
“So I think gather the information, communicate openly, and give it time and space to start co-creating a structure that works best for you.”
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